8.25.2007

Kung Fooled.



So, here I am at 1:30am sitting in the bar at the Intercontinental Hotel in Toronto. In one hand I am holding a deck of cards while my right hand is stretched out perpendicular to my body. My right index finger is inside the mouth of a grizzled, gray-haired man. Every time I try to remove, it I feel two rows of very sharp teeth bite into the flesh at the base of my finger. I have been stranded in this position for nearly thirty minutes. Maybe I had better start this story at the beginning!

Over the years I have been hired as a magical advisor on dozens of projects. I was the man who turned Kenny Rogers into “The Gambler” for his TV movie. In three weeks I made Sid Caesar look like he had been performing magic for a lifetime! I got a call from my friend Michael Sloan who said that he wanted me to work with him on an episode of “Kung Fu: The Legend Continues.” Michael was the executive producer/writer of the series and one of the few stand-up people I have met in the television industry. We had worked on projects before and I was delighted to get the call. A month later I flew from Los Angeles to Toronto and the madness began.

One of the regulars on the show was Robert Lansing who, aside from being a great actor, was a regular at the Magic Castle in its early days and a particular friend of Dai Vernon. Lansing had cancer and knowing his time was limited Michael had written a special episode that would allow Robert to fulfill a lifelong dream. Bob wanted to perform Vernon’s “Twisting The Aces” routine on camera. One of my jobs was to work with him and build up his confidence a little. I did this in my usual manner; which was to be half magician and half psychologist. Bob actually did the trick perfectly but felt very uneasy, as his hands seemed too dry for his comfort. I eventually had a plan to ease this problem; I had a small jar of Burt’s Bees Honey Lip Balm in my case and I gave it to Bob and with a total lack of honesty informed him that it was the very same preparation that Vernon used on his hands before working with playing cards. Lansing was very impressed and immediately rubbed a small amount onto his hands.
Moments later he performed a perfect version of “Twisting” and there was no more talk of his hands being dry!

Working with Bob Lansing was a delight and a privilege; however there was a trial by fire waiting for me that I will never forget if I live to be normal. This was getting to work with the wonderfully eccentric David Carradine. This brings me back to my strange position at the bar in the Hotel Intercontinental. The early part of the evening had consisted of a leisurely dinner with Lansing and Sloan listening to Bob relate stories about his friend and magical mentor Dai Vernon.
We arrived back at the hotel and decided to have one last glass of chardonnay at the bar. That was when Carradine arrived! He joined us at our booth and said, “Who is this?” while staring at me with a fairly active dislike. Sloan introduced me and explained that I was to be a guest star in the episode and also magical advisor. Carradine’s eyes had never left my face but his look of active dislike turned into something even stronger. I never saw a look like that again until his movie “Kill Bill” was released years later. Unknown to me, one of Carradine’s best friends was Patrick Culliton the magician/actor and Houdini expert.

David then explained that if there was going to be a magical advisor on the show it was going to be his friend Pat and not Sloan’s friend Nick. There followed a brief but intense discussion between the two men about the respective merits of Culliton and myself. Since the episode began filming the next morning the outcome was never in doubt but it was certainly a little unnerving as far as I was concerned.
During a brief lull in the debate I took the opportunity to smile at Carradine and say, “I’m really looking forward to working with you, Mr. Carradine.” David looked at me without a hint of a smile and said, “We’ll see about that!” It wasn’t a great start, all things considered, but it got worse. Michael Sloan then said, “Nick, do a card trick for David, show him your chops.” Now I have one card trick that I always perform when I need to impress people. During this trick the cards do everything but walk up and down the table whistling the “Battle Hymn of the Republic.” I did my trick and then casually left the cards on the table. Carradine grabbed the cards and growled, “That’s a trick deck!”
He searched through the cards and discovered to his surprise that it was indeed a regular deck of cards. I looked him in the eyes and said, “The cards are the real thing and so am I. That’s why I’m here, I’m the best.” I had already decided that the only way to deal with Carradine was to meet him toe to toe without ever backing up.

David looked at me and said that I seemed to know my stuff and that maybe he would even let me do a couple of hand shots for him. He removed a large jade ring from his finger and said he wanted to see if it fitted. It did fit, however it was rather too snug and I had trouble removing it from my finger. “I’ll do it.” Said Carradine raising my hand to his face and then my finger disappeared into his mouth. I don’t know if you have ever sat in a hotel bar with your finger stuck in a celebrity’s mouth but it is rather strange to say the least. Every time I started to remove my finger his teeth clamped back into it. At this point I was wishing to God that it were Pat Culliton sitting there instead of me. Finally he released my finger and said, “I don’t know who you are, but I will. I am going to run a make on you and find out every last thing there is to know about you.” I stared back into his eyes and said, “Start with my dad, he was in the navy.” We then all went our separate ways and I returned to my suite and fell asleep. I was woken from my sleep at 4:00am by the ringing of the bedside phone. I answered it and heard a gruff voice on the other end say, “OK son of a navy man, I will find out everything!” then the phone went dead.

The shooting went surprisingly smoothly and in spite of his many eccentricities I realized that Carradine was the ultimate professional. When David was on the set he liked to make it appear that he was unprepared and unsure of what was happening next. This was far from the case and in fact not only did Carradine know his own lines but everyone else’s lines as well. One of David’s favorite things to do on set was to secretly touch off flash paper with one of his ever-present oval cigarettes. He seemed to really enjoy the resulting explosion. I use the word explosion advisedly, as David liked to fire up huge wads of flash paper that often resulted in the smell of burning flesh permeating the air. I hatched a plan and took off for the magic store where I purchased enough flash paper, flash cotton and flash string to arm a third world nation. The next day I greeted Carradine on the set with a cheery, “I have some extra flash paper. I thought you might have a use for it.” Carradine’s eyes lit up like a child at Christmas or, more to the point, like a pyromaniac at a house warming party! The next day I introduced David to flash cotton and it was a huge success. The next day I trotted out the flash string and explained to him that if you had a wad of flash cotton concealed in your hand with a length of the cotton hanging down it would act like a fuse. David’s eyes sparkled intensely and he quickly corrected me, “No, it IS a fuse!” From that moment on we became the best of friends.

I can honestly say that David Carradine is one of the most unique and extraordinary men I have ever worked with and he still had a surprise in store for me. On the final day of shooting in the middle of a scene David jumped up onto the stage set and addressed the audience of extra’s crowded on the set. In a dramatic manner that made Max Maven seem understated, David gave an impromptu mind reading performance for the entire audience and showered them with juicy details about me. Really inside material that I was shocked he knew!
With a flourish David concluded his performance by asking a spectator to reach into his jacket pocket and inside was a piece of paper with my mothers maiden name written on it. Game, set and match to Carradine as I was left speechless. I puzzled about how he discovered all this information but Carradine just smiled his Kwai Chang Caine smile and refused to tell me. He had really surprised me and fooled me and wasn’t ready to give away his methods!

Postscript.
About fifteen years after the events described I was attending a ceremony dedicated to my very dear friend Billy McComb. After the Ash ceremony took place all those present adjourned to a local pub for bangers and mash and English beer. As we were eating our food and trading stories about our favorite Irishman I noticed an intense looking gentleman sitting on his own at the side of the room. Since he was one of the few people in the room that I didn’t recognize I went over and introduced myself. To my delight it was Patrick Culliton and the two of us found a quiet corner and drank a couple of pints of beer together. Needless to say the conversation focused on our mutual relationship with David Carradine. Suddenly Patrick became very animated and remembered back to an early morning call from Carradine who asked him to run a ‘make’ on me for his mind reading stunt. “How did you know all that really personal information about me?” Then the final piece of the puzzle fell into place. “Oh, that was easy.” Said Pat “All I did was phone McComb!” We smiled and toasted Billy with our beers. As always, without even being there McComb had the final word in clearing up a puzzle.